Do Overs.... Can I Have One?

What happened to do overs? Like at what point does getting a do over no longer apply? I remember being a kid, and getting a do over when I messed up on something. But now" you mess up and everybody expects you to live with the consequences. Had I known I only had a finite amount of do overs I would have saved them until I really needed them. Like for the time I accidentally asked a lady if it was a boy or a girl and she wasn't pregnant.(totally could have used a do over there.) Or the time I decided to eat WAY too many dinner rolls at Thanksgiving.(about 30 people wish I had one then.) I think we should have a National Do Over Day. Not something that you can abuse intentionally, so you can't go punch your boss in the face and then scream "Do over!!!" and have everything be all good. But for accidents, like for a guy who is nervous on a first date. That way if he says something dumb, or accidentally farts due to nerves he can get a chance to start over.

Along the same vein but kinda not, is the NFL coaches challenge flag. Can someone talk to the commish and see if we can get these for everyday use? You know, if a call doesn't go your way, you should be allowed to throw the flag and have a referee review the instance. There's a joke in here somewhere about the ugly friend and illegal blocking, but I just don't have the time.

"But Bobby..." You all say."As an adult you are supposed to be responsible and blah blah blah...." Whatever. Do overs are great. I think if we had life would be better. You can't tell me NBC wouldn't like a do over with the whole Conan O'Brien thing.

Dust Yourself Off and Try Again...

What would you do for a Lenny Kravitz & Prince album? I know they are both absolutely eccentric human beings, but if these two dudes collaborated on an album, I would buy 5 copies. The pure awesomeness of them combined on a rock/funk album would probably blow peoples minds. I'm not saying it would reach Wyld Stallions type heights, but it would come pretty close.

That brings me to a question... who decided to team things up, and why? Like what possessed the inventor of the root beer float, who should have their own holiday in my opinion(I feel a separate blog should be done on this topic), to put root beer and vanilla ice cream together? Was everyone around him like, "No don't do it!! You don't know what will happen!" Was he considered crazy like Magellan, or Galileo?

I love experimentation. My family will co-sign to this. I have been experimenting with the same cookie recipe for like 2 years, and I fail every time. But experimentation also has brought some success, as evidenced by my infinitely popular Pizza Casserole. But with each failure I find my self closer to success. And besides, some of my failures are more spectacular than the times I have succeeded.

Back In the Saddle Again...

Man what a week... I would tell you about it, but I've signed several documents legally preventing me from doing so. But I apologize for taking so long in between posts. So without further delay, let us get to today's topic.

I was just going to put that I liked tacos and leave it at that. P.K. could even attest to this, as I had it up on the screen and was all ready to push the publish button. We laughed for a good minute, but that wouldn't be right. Besides, anybody could take one look at me and say, "I bet that guy likes tacos... If ever there was a guy who liked tacos, it would be him." And you would be right, because they are delicious.

But I'm not here to talk about tacos, or mexican food in general. I'm here to talk about me. Seeing as this is my blog about how I perceive the world, would you expect anything else? Why is it that every commercial on TV makes men out to be stupid? I get offended like a Geico caveman.(okay that may be a bad analogy) But I'm serious.

I feel that as men we are misunderstood sometimes. Case in point. I read the covers of all The Girlfriend's magazines where they are listing "over 50 ways to please your man", or "the 10 things that all men wish women knew". On every guys list has MAYBE 10 things on it. I'm not gonna list them, but if a woman writer at Cosmo is telling her there are 50 things she needs to do to keep me happy and my list only has 10, you can imagine why men and women don't see eye to eye. And that's another thing... what men are they polling to get these ridiculous ideas? Let me stay on point as that could be a whole other blog in itself. Look... ladies, I'm betraying the code and giving you a hint. Three of the ten things on the list involve you not talking so much during various times. If you follow any of the ten those three will make life easier. Okay time to wrap it up...

My convoluted and abstract point is this. If you want mountain spring water, you go to the source. If you want to know how to please your man, do the same. Don't listen to disgruntled, divorced women who will tell you how to be successful one month, and then turn around and write about the top ten signs he's cheating. That just doesn't make sense.

But They Look Like Sneakers...

Surprise! How do you like the new layout? I think it's pretty nifty, minus the word trial plastered all over the place. It's got a link to both my twitter and my flickr accounts, so you can see all the other creative outlets I seem to have abandoned. If you are freaked out by the change don't be. I will still be on hand to give you the same old substandard drivel you've grown accustomed to ignoring.

Someone over this past week said that I inspired them. I don't know why, I don't know how. All I do know is for some unknown reason he has decided to blog. So if you've got free time, check out an awesome blog written by an awesome guy. I have known Pete, or "Mr. Pete" for long time. Maybe one day I'll get him to teach me how to surf.

Guest Blog Week Day 6...

The last edition of Guest Blog Week. No fanfare necessary... just read and I will catch you on the other side.

"When I was asked to write on this blog I was a bit intimidated. Those who know me well would be surprised by this, but Bobby has personality that comes out through his writing that is a tough act to follow. Being the friend that I am and knowing him for almost half my life, I felt compelled to come through in the clutch. Unfortunately since I am a girl and I tend to have my emotional touchy feely moments this blog may contain a few! But to paint a picture of what it is like to be friends with Bobby, I would say it is a very entertaining roller coaster ride. Bobby was my rock before I even knew how someone could be a rock in my life. At the ripe age of 12, our friendship began as a huge crush, yes I admit it when I was young and impressionable I had a crush on the infamous Bobby Williams or King Buster as he has been known in my phone for the last 10 years. After quickly realizing he was way too old for me and our superhero duo would not work if I was following him around like a groupie, I decided the crush was over. Bobby and I have had our lows, which were mostly during the few years where I was a stupid teenager and he was the wiser older one and I thought I knew better, if you know Bobby you know these years did not pan out well for me. No matter how often we fought or how little we spoke, he was always the number one guy in my life! He was a brother, a best friend and a super hero all wrapped in one very tall, very thin, very stylish bow.

I said at one point I would get sappy and well I never want to disappoint the followers of Bobby so there is a defining moment of our friendship that made me realize there will never be a moment I cannot count on Bobby. I was a young and stupid 13 year old and did not always listen to the common sense rules that were embedded in my brain. We were at our basketball team party at Bobby’s house and as usual, Bobby and I were playing sock and run! (My favorite game when I was young because I thought it was hilarious when he would punch me, do not worry my parents knew of this abuse and were all for it!) At one point I hit him in the arm and ran towards the street, without looking both ways, a car was driving down the street and let’s just say we collided. Thankfully I was ok, no broken bones but one hell of a bruise on my butt! For days I spoke to no one, I text no one, I was completely embarrassed. About a week and a half after it happened we had basketball practice, I walked in upset and no prepared to face those that saw me that day. We started practice with a set of free throws and up walks Bobby to stand right next to me. He made numerous attempts to make me laugh and talk to him but I would not budge. Finally he asks me if I had any bruises, I responded with a huge bruise on my butt, probably the size of a soccer ball. At that point Bobby whispers to me, you know I have a birth mark on my butt that is huge and looks like bugs bunny, you want to see it? At that point I just looked at him and started dying laughing! That was the moment I knew I could always depend on Bobby.

We may not have it all together as friends and we may not always see eye to eye but Bobby and I are friends for life. We do not need the mushy stuff or the constant connection to have the bond that we do. We know each other like we know the back of our own hands. He took me as a young and impressionable 12 year old and molded me into the person I am today. When I did not have much of a family, he filled all the roles. I truly believe I would not be the mature young woman I am today if it were not for Bobby. Wherever life takes Bobby and whoever’s life he touches, he will succeed beyond belief. He is truly good at everything he does and friendship is definitely at the top of that list."

Shout out to Cam, the greatest tag team partner in the world. As I type this I would just like to let it be known that we are the five time and current International Jewish Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions.

This concludes Guest Blog Week, thanks to everyone who pitched in. Maybe we will do it again... But on Monday we will return with more of the same as well as some new surprises. As always, thanks for reading!

Guest Blog Week Day 5....

Sigh...

I knew today was coming. With the four straight days of "Bobby Love-Fest" I knew there was bound to be someone out there who didn't really like me all that much. I just didn't think they would come from down the hall.

"What’s up Internet,

So due to conflicts beyond my brother’s control, I have hijacked his blog. I read this thing every once in a while and I see a whole bunch of inaccuracies all over the place. So I have decided to correct a lot of the misinformation. First of all, lets start with the name, PK. I don’t care what William Shakespeare says, a rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but if it’s called a Sweatifoot, I doubt there would be many people running to shove their noses into the petals. So I would like to first clarify, my name is not PK it is BAMFK. Now I know that’s a lot to write, and my brother is lazy and stubborn, so it’ll be like pulling alligator teeth getting him to change…so I tolerate the PK designation.

Second thing I’d like to say is that he’s not as smart as he thinks he is, and just because he’s made a living riding on my coattails he thinks he’s super successful. It’s true that he learned a lot of things while I was doing them, but most of the stuff he learned was more life preservation versus intellectual fortitude. The whole reason he learned to tie his sue was because he was nearly beaten to death in a hospital bathroom. Apparently, he forgot that one. Our history is littered with stories of my brother getting in trouble for not doing things. But yet he tells you all that he knows all this stuff because he’s super smart. WRONG!!! He knows this stuff because if he didn’t learn it, he would not be alive today. Do you all have any idea it is dealing with someone who believes they’re smarter than they are? Seriously, all the stuff I have to put up with. And he makes it seem like I’m the difficult one. I believe he described himself as my nemesis in a past blog. If I would have known that he felt this way, I would have destroyed him years ago, with extreme prejudice, and demonstrated to all new comers my authority and dominance in the household.

Despite all the trouble he’s caused me, he’s pretty hard to deal with. There’s always that one time where he did me a solid, and so now I’m indebted to him forever. Somehow he always forgets the things that I’ve done for him. I’m pretty sure the ratio is 13-5 in my favor, and that’s counting a couple of the situations he helped me out with twice. An example of how much of a pain in the @$$ he is, he got this job about 8 years ago, when I was still in college. Everyday he would call me at lunch and say how awesome his job was. EVERY DAY!!! What kind of a jerk move is this? The kind that my brother pulls. That lasted everyday for about two weeks until I told him about the craziness that happened one night at the bar I was working at in Los Angeles.

When he’s not doing this stuff, he’s still intolerable. He’ll just start doing crazy dances around the house. He’ll make stupid faces in your face. He’ll do things just to get beat up. He’ll make up a celebration for everything, it kinda reminds me of the defensive backs who break up a play in football and immediately doing their choreography for that new hit musical entitled, “Doing My Job.”

So I could go on and on about the things my brother does that drives me crazy, but I won’t because you all would hate him and not read his blog again. This would actually be bad for me because it would greatly increase the time he spends bothering me, and that would be bad for me. But also, he is my best friend, even if he does have plans to destroy me. But as they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer…just in case another enemy tries to clip you, you will always have someone to throw into the line of danger and take that bullet. In this case I’ve done both.

BAMFK, formerly known as PK"

So to recap what you just read. BLAH BLAH BLAH I love Bobby... BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm jealous of the awesome job he had... BLAH BLAH BLAH Bobby is way funnier and a better dancer than I am... BLAH BLAH BLAH Bobby is my best friend.

Umm... thanks P.K. Too bad you don't get to name yourself, as Bobby Always Makes Fun of Kenny, BAMFK is more suited for me. (See what I did there P.K.? I just stole your nickname!) One guest blog left, be sure to come back for the conclusion of Guest Blog Week! So until tomorrow... This is the "Real BAMFK" signing off.

Guest Blog Week Day 4....

I've figured that since we've had tremendous guest bloggers all week, I decided to keep it rolling. This person doesn't have a blog like all the others, but still has something to say. So here it is...

"First off, I must start by telling you that I have known Roberto, as I call him, since I was the young age of five. If you’re the math type, that’s somewhere around 72% of my life I have known him. Anyone that has been a part of your life for that amount of time when you are still so young has definitely made an impact on your life somewhere down the line.

Roberto started his impact in mine when he was only 18 years old— even though I only remember him as being so old compared to me. I always remembered myself as a shy little kid, however he constantly reminds me otherwise. I knew him because he worked at the daycare along with the rest of his family at my school. I remember being in one of the main rooms we played in afterschool and he told this kid he was his favorite fourth grader. I immediately became jealous. Me, being in first grade didn’t like the word “favorite” used without my name following it. I asked him quickly, “Who’s your favorite 1st grader??” and he replied “You, duh.” Of course at the time I acted as if it was no big deal and really didn’t mean that much, but what I neglected to tell him even through all the years is it did mean a lot to me. He continued to remind me I was always one of the “favs” throughout all of my years of school. And every time he says it, it still means the same.

Bobby has seen me grow up. It’s just me and my mom. Bobby has not only played the role of a big brother to me, but he has also stood in for a dad at times. I owe him more than I can ever explain to anyone. He is the most caring and loving person, of course he would never admit it to anyone… gotta keep the tough guy look going :)… he has helped me grow to the person I am today in so many ways. Whether its picking me up when my mom cant and giving me a ride, coaching me not only in basketball, but in life, or yelling at me because of the stupid thing I just did, he has been there for me. Through so much he has been there, even when it is hard for him. And that means the world to me. I know that I could call him anytime and he would be there for me ASAP. And even though I’m going off to college, I know that nothing will change. He will still be my big bro keeping tabs and making sure I’m the person he knows I can be. Bobby is the type of person that once you meet, you wont want out of your life and I am so thankful for God to have put him in mine.

And P.S.!! I want you to know all those times you think I’m not listening, I AM! J

-- Brenna Eugene the Fish Part II aka Brensisco"


Thanks many times over Sis... I appreciate the love!

Got one or two more guest blogs for the week. Come back by tomorrow!

Guest Blog Week Day 3....

Another day, another guest blog. This one comes from someone despite his young age is profound beyond his years. Definitely going places in life, so keep an eye out for him. He, like everyone else, is going to describe what its like to be to caught up in the nonsensical vortex that is my life. So without further delay, I give you guest blog number 3.

"Wow, I’m finally in it. This is J-Smalls aka Jordan of my infamous blog, thebrainofjordan.blogspot.com (shameless self-promotion) and I must say, when Bobby let me guest blog, I was honored because this man has been helping raise me since I was a fat kid wearing navy blue uniform shorts in kindergarten. I have to attest to the completeness of Bobby because he does do it all. For instance, when I first met him, I thought he was the funniest guy in the world. He could tell a good story while drawing some fancy artistic creation. He made me want to get into art even though I suck at it. I can honestly say that he is one of the few people I listen to because he’s one of the few people who is right. And while I know I’m an original and I try to set the path, I unapologetically copy Bobby. When he was drawing a lot, I wanted to draw. When he played video games with the dexterity of a true nerd while simultaneously crossin’ people up in basketball, I had to try it. (I later learned that football was my thing).
While we’re on that, him taking the time to play football with my friends and I after school helped me develop the skills I have now. I wouldn’t be able to play football in college if it wasn’t for him throwing the ball super hard at my chest until I learned how to catch and teaching me how to sidestep an aggressive defender. It’s a weird relationship because while he’s my role model who I respect and look up to, at the same time, he’s also one of my peers who I can bounce ideas off of and not have to put up a façade around. Speaking of that, why do people even as adults put up fake images of who they are as soon as they get around older people? You would think that by now with the advent of technology that no matter what you try to come off as, we will just Google you and expose you, typically as a weak individual who still tries to cultivate romantic relationships on Facebook. Come on son.
Back to the lecture at hand, most people don’t realize that Bobby should have a job as an image consultant. No matter how successful I get or how many cool things I do, Bobby is right there to humble me. True story, in high school, I became a starter and one of the team captains and I told Bobby how I was going to be so cool and how I was that guy, to which he bluntly replied, “That’s nice, you’re still probably not going to get the ball that much.” Ah, the candor of a true friend. Now in my first year of college, he’s keeping me from getting too crazy and keeping me true to my roots. When I get rich and famous, I’m going to pay him to do these things so I don’t end up in tabloids.
I must also thank Bobby for being one of the few people left who still has reason in a world full of idiots. Case in point, I don’t get why people wear Ed Hardy still. Like Bobby said, It’s a Bedazzled t-shirt (as I type this, Microsoft Word did not correct the word Bedazzled, thus making it a real word Imagineer that). And the people who wear Ed Hardy are the biggest examples of an oxymoron in the world. Wearers of Ed Hardy are typically huge guys who spend copious amounts of time at your local Gold’s Gym or Bally’s and talk about how muscular they are, but at the same time spend an hour doing their hair and worry about things like exfoliating (see Jersey Shore for a better view of the Ed Hardy epidemic). I just don’t get it. Well, I said too much. I’m out of here. Copywritten, so, don’t copy me."

Umm... word? I think that's what is appropriate to say right there? Anyways, shout outs to J-Smalls my future boss. Hey boss, is there any way I can take my sick days right now? And you know I'm already asking for a raise....

Come back tomorrow for another guest blog!

Guest Blog Week Day 2....

Hey everybody... I'm just here to post the second guest blog of the week. This one comes from a very funny person... It is an instant laugh-fest whenever we get together.

"Hi, I’m Steph and an avid reader of this blog. (I too have a blog - http://stephiles.blogspot.com)

Most little boys these days (I have two ages 11 & 13) dream of playing video games as a job. My boys are no exception to the rule. Most of the time moms everywhere say the same thing in response to this, “You can’t make a living out of playing video games.” Then my boys met Bobby. He was like a superhero. His job WAS playing video games. Now Bobby has since confessed to me that sometimes when he was at EA he had to play sucky little kid games. I have let my kids keep the illusion of “Super Bobby Video Game Hero” and not told them.

For a while my experience of Bobby was this really nice guy who dated “The Girlfriend” (my friend) and made my kids really happy. As I’ve gotten to know him more I’ve seen a creative side that blows me away. His writing is incredible and his insights into the minds of his fictional characters are impressive. I also know now that he is one of the funniest people I know and a good story teller (ask him about the “My Twin Doll” his sister owned – so funny).

My only warning is that Bobby sometimes cheats at games (specifically social “ice breaker” games). I don’t even think it’s about winning so much as just making his life a little easier and maybe adding a little humor to his day. Thanks for adding joy and humor to my days too."

Thank you Stephanie very much for taking time out of your day to say something nice. If more people like you existed, I would be the funniest man- err... the world would truly be a better place.

More guest blogs coming, so stay tuned!!!

The Girlfriend Speaks...

Since I have been slammed at work, I asked a someone to blog in my place. Nothing too crazy, just what it is like to be in my life. I figure that since I've written about them, I would give them the chance to write about me. Let'hope I won't live to regret this...


"The Girlfriend here--yeah you read right, The Girlfriend. Bobby thought it would be a good idea for me to guest blog, since he is beyond crazy busy with work and hasn't blogged in a week. He also thinks that I should tell you what its like to be "The Girlfriend". I won't pretend to be him with his awesome writing voice or his rather outlandish embelishments of the truth. There are some awesome parts about being The Girlfriend, I won't lie...well maybe I should so no one gets any ideas! anyways, I have life pretty good. I love that he bounces ideas off of me but more than that he knows when I'm just faking enthusiasm and when I really mean it. This has made it so that I pretty much can't lie to him without getting caught. which I like because its teaching me to just be honest the first time instead of lying, getting "caught" and then feeling bad. (a lot of his ideas are pretty good so that doesn't happen too often!). I love that even though he worked a whole bunch of insane hours including the night where I said good night to him and went to bed and when I woke up he was still working he still wanted to talk to me and hear about my day as it progressed! I love that even though I am currently pretty busy harrassing him to promote me and what what life will be like when that happens he goes along for the ride and even seems to enjoy it! I also love that we can talk, laugh and "discuss" the future and things that will not just be a part of marriage but also the wedding. I don't recall him ever mentioning his dream wedding on this mightly fine blog (you should ask him to tell you all about it one day) but it's important to know that I'm not exactly the biggest fan of the extreme action stunt wedding... but since it is his special day too I know there will need to be some consessions because he so frequently makes a lot of self-less decisions that I (and others who read this blog) benefit from. I would love to make his special day truly something special but I am still figuring out what that will really look like...because lets be honest I want what I want and I'm still learning to compromise! (and contrary to popular belief I am a strong proponent of the nacho cheese fountain.)

One last things before I go...Bobby also suggested that this might be a time to clear the air and correct some of the outlandish embelishments that have been posted on this mighty fine blog (my words, not his) and I just want to say that I don't have anything to say except...I can (and do) kick his butt in wii bowling!"

Thank you to The Girlfriend. She also has a blog that she hasn't touched in a long time. You all should bug her to write more. Stay tuned for the next guest blogger... As soon as I can bribe somebody to do it.