We Both Speak English, Just Not the Same Language

So I feel I have to put you up on game. And what I mean by game, I mean the way I work. I have a few habits that have crept into my daily life and ingrained themselves so deeply that i do them without thinking. Instead of any form of audible communication, if you ask me a question, I will subconsciously give you a thumbs up or thumbs down. You might not have even asked me a yes or no question but thats the answer you'll get, like I'm some sort of world class striker who appreciates what you were trying to do.

Another bad habit i have, is to take words and turn them into verbs. I realize im not the only person on earth who does this, but with the rate i do it, its pretty alarming. J-Smalls and I were talking today and I mentioned this habit of mine to him. He thinks it is a cool, new way to express oneself by taking the english language to a new level. I of course consider it to be retarded, as anyone over the age of 45 has no idea what we are talking about. Case in point...

I was talking to my dad, and I mentioned how somebody at work got "Lane Kiffened". This is a very public, very embarrassing way to get fired. Then later on in the conversation, I mentioned that somebody else at work pulled a "Lane Kiffen". Needless to say he was confused. I then tried to explain to him, that the first one is a very public, and very embarrassing way to get fired, while the second is where you up and leave a place unexpectedly and everyone you left feels bitter and betrayed.

So yeah I realize I'm special sometimes. But ins't the first step to recovery admitting you have a problem? I hope so, just as I hope you enjoy reading these, and the abnormal way my mind works... Don't judge me though, or else I'll have to get all Tyler Durden on you.

Using Technology to Better Mankind's Ability to Make Fun...

So in the strange way my mind works when I'm left alone, I find myself coming up with new ways to amuse myself. Drawing funny pictures, inventing goofy dance moves, or playing senseless pranks on my unsuspecting friends and family, I try to keep things in my life fresh. For this one however I've decided to combine the old school with the new school. I'm combining the dozens with Twitter.

So for the uninitiated, the dozens is a game that basically is just making fun of each other, while Twitter is a social networking tool in which people type status updates. So combining them should be pretty simple right? Wrong... Due to the limitations of Twitter, you have to get your point across in a 140 characters or less.

Is it corny? yes. But I sometimes specialize in that.

Minority Blues

Dude! I've been slacking... and I realize this. But I've been busy, plus the 10 peeps who actually enjoy reading this don't care enough to bug me, so why should you? But anyways I'm here to talk about the discrimination I've experienced as a minority. And before you all go, "You're black... we get it. Get over it already." I'm not talking about that kind... I'm talking about being left handed.

Everything in the world is made for you righties. But for "special" people like me, we get almost nothing. People have always said, "But since we all think with the opposite side of our brains, only left handed people are in their right mind.." Dumb. Stop trying to make us feel better about our situation. We all know you laugh at us on the inside. So in typical Bobby fashion, I've made a small list on the reasons why it sucks to be left handed.

1. Desks: Every class at my high school had 29 right handed desks, and 1 left handed desk,and it was never in the same place twice. So I had to show up early to make sure I got the left handed desk. My teachers all lauded me for a willingness to learn, where as I wanted to make sure I got the desk that didn't have me writing with half my arm hanging off for an hour. And He
Heaven forbid if there were two lefties in a class, and you had to fight it out cage match style for the desk.

2. Scissors: Elementary school was cool with desks, but the scissors for lefties were highly suspect. They were old and rusty, and never cut anything. I remember all the righties with their cool, pointy, red handled scissors cutting easily through their paper, while me and my round tipped, rustry, dull, green handled scissors looked like a toothless septagenarian.

3. The English Language: Yep I said it... the english language. It hates lefties. Nothing is more aggravating than going left to right while being left handed, and watching everything you just wrote end up all over your hand and sweatshirt. "But Bobby... why not hold your hand up?" you ask. And my response to that is because my arm hurt! Its hard work to elevate in a writing position with no suppport for an hour.

Be nice to lefties... we are a minority. It sucks to have nearly everything on earth hate you. So if you know a leftie, don't hesitate to hug them... but be gentle, their arm might be tired.