Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Going Through Some Things...

Not really sure what this is... But it needed to get out.


I hate coming to see you, and not because I don’t love you,
but because I don’t like seeing you in your condition.
Seeing you struggle to live, is like watching the best of me die slowly.

Your hands that held me up now hold onto me as I support you.
Seeing you spoon fed you the same way you did me years ago,
the irony of the situation not lost.

So I go, I travel to see you knowing that each and every time could be the last.
I leave feeling better and yet somehow worse, for time spent with you is both a blessing
and bittersweet.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Running Is Not FUNdamental.

So since we've last talked, I've started to get into better shape. I looked at myself in the mirror recently and was not happy with what I was seeing. With big things in the works, now seemed like a good time to tighten up the abs, tone the pecks, and upgrade to bigger guns.

So I figured I'd start slow, do some jogging 3 times a week. And I must say, it sucks pretty hard. The massive mounts of basketball I have played have apparently turned my knees into the joint equivalent of a baby with a bad case of colic. They communicate their discomfort with my new life choice in the form of pain. Its like someone set my knees on fire, and then stabbed them rusty nails.

And with every step comes a reminder that running for exercise is really a stupid idea. Like running for recreation makes no sense. We were meant to run objectively, to accomplish goals. Back in the day, people were either running to catch food or running not to be food. "But what about the other things, like the runners high?" you ask. That junk is a myth. I don't feel endorphins when I run, I feel hatred. Just a seething anger against my body for its varying aches and pains. And after I'm done I can't enjoy completing it because I know I gotta come back and do it all over again in 2 days.

You may be thinking, "Well if you hate it so much, then why keep doing it?" and that is a very valid question. Why would someone as intelligent (so I say) and lazy (so others say) run? My answer is simply this: I'm doing it to get a new job. I mean if I'm planning to be the Michael Jordan of underwear models, I gotta do something right?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

TV For Me

I share a house with PK and Showbiz and with one main TV, watching a show was a nightmare. So recently I bought a DVR recorder thinking it would make life around my house easier. But did it? No...

At first the DVR was awesome. Recording shows to watch later on at our convenience seemed like heaven in small doses. Do you know how liberating it is to not be a slave to the tv schedule? I was experiencing newfound freedoms I had never known before.

But then things got ugly. All of a sudden shows that no one had watched ever started showing up. I came home one night to find 33 episodes of NCIS on the DVR. (I could make a joke about how Mark Harmon doesn't DVR NCIS, but I would be putting more effort into the joke than the producers put into that show.) Fights broke out... tires were slashed, people would come home to find their show had been cancelled and would retaliate by canceling someone else's show. We went from loving each other to being at each other's throats...

So I'm in the process of creating a DVR pecking order, but it seems to shake out into "the persons who purchased the DVR gets priority." Does that sound so horrible?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Turning Compliments Into Insults

I'm sorry blogfans, I've been slacking. Mainly due to work and other things and I realize there is no excuse. I will try to get back to some sort of normalcy as my life devolves into utter madness. Why is that you ask? Stop being nosy... I'll tell you soon enough, just not today.

I received a back handed compliment the other day. I won't get into specifics, but just know someone paid me a compliment that wasn't. But it got me thinking, are any compliments truly genuine? Or is it the person's interpretation of the compliment that makes it seem backhanded? Case in point- Two women spot each other after a prolonged period of not seeing each other. One says to the other:"Have you lost weight? You look gorgeous!" My brain interprets that as the lady thought her friend was fat and ugly before. Or when someone says something along the "I never knew you were so smart" line, my brain translates it into "I honestly thought you were stupid until just right now."

I guess its no secret now that I don't take compliments well. You could say something nice, and I will immediately look for the antithesis of the statement you just made. It's like I'm hard wired to be negative. But at least I always say thank you... That helps a little right?

Monday, August 2, 2010

Standing Ten Count Knock Out.

For some reason over the last few weeks and for know apparent reason, I have been compiling a list. 

Now listen before you judge me. It all started with one of those typical questions guys ask when they are bored. I'm sitting in the den with P.K. when he asks, "If you could punch anyone in the face, who would it be and why?" I was suddenly forced to stop everything so that my brain could fully process the question. "Geez, I don't know..." I replied. "There are so many people I would punch... Why does it have to be just one?"

So then it was expanded to a top ten. But then here's where it gets a little dicey. I want to punch every explorer who "discovered" the new world, but I can't add them because they take up too many slots. I originally asked P.K. if I could lump them into one super person like Voltron but he said no, so they are all out. So here is my list as of right now. 

1. Adolf Hitler- I don't think much really needs to be said here. But just know that I would cold clock this dude if given the chance. I dislike him so much that I punch pictures of him in history books.

2. The guy who violates movie rule #1- Sorry... but like I said earlier, I didn't pay $10.25 to have you ruin Star Trek because you and your girlfriend are having relationship issues. Take it outside jerk.

3. Kevin Costner- Mainly because The Postman is on tv right now. Name me three good Kevin Costner movies. I'll even give you the first two: The Untouchables, and Field of Dreams. Now give me number three... Can't do it, because it doesn't exist. But yet he keeps on making movies.

4. Crappy Small Talk Guy- You know the type. That guy who overstates the obvious, or tries to point out some imaginary shortcoming all in order to start a conversation. Asking me in 100 degree weather if it is hot enough for me, or telling me that I've missed a spot after spending all afternoon washing my windows is not clever. In fact it may get you serious bodily harm. 
5. Lady Gaga's parents- Hop in the delorean, and head for the New York/New Jersey area. Just bust in right before procreation, show them her poker face video, and then punch them both square in the nose for ruining music.

6. George Lucas- Nerds everywhere would too. I'm willing to bet that a vast majority of us would pay money to sock that dude square in the mouth. But depending on how much they charged, he might end up making more money, so nevermind. Just know that we don't forgive you for episodes 1-3 or the remastered 4-6.

7. Bill O'Reilly/Rush Limbaugh- I'm not too picky about this one. Like they both need a good punching, but I hate them both equally, and if presented with the choice, my answer would just simply be "yes please."

8. Justin Timberlake/Justin Bieber- They are both named Justin. They both sing terrible songs. Yet they will both be richer, and date hotter women than I ever will. So for that, I will rain down punches on them.

9. Hayden Christiansen- Kinda falls in line with George Lucas, but this dude probably should be higher. I'm not saying he's on Hitler's level, but he is close. Christiansen took one of fiction's all time bad guys and played him with may more emo than evil. Nice to know one of the greatest villains of all time turned to the dark side over some teen angst.

10. Tom Cruise- You all saw the Oprah show clip. You all have seen him go crazy about scientology. You have all seen him get sanctimonious all over the news. You also have heard about Knight & Day. I hope you didn't see it though, because that movie looked terrible.