Now Accepting Applicants*

So with the amount of times I've mentioned the League of Men, I'm surprised that no one has ever asked how to obtain membership. Likewise, with the mentioning of Man Cards, I'm equally as surprised no one has ever asked me how to obtain one. (Well not really, seeing as how 95% of the people who read this are women.) As sheer manliness has declined, we have gone the opposite direction of the california public school system. Instead of diluting things and making it easier to join, we have made it harder... That way the select few who have been chosen will be able to truly call themselves men. And since officially being maned the Unofficial Ambassador/Spokesperson, I feel I should bring the qualifications for both to the masses, in case anyone deeming themselves worthy feel froggy enough to leap.

1. You must have won at least one fight where the odds were stacked against you: Every man can beat up scouts, or prevail in an even fight. But it takes a true LoM man to dominate when he is vastly outnumbered.

2. You must know how to fix something: whether it be computers, plumbing, or electrical wiring, an LoM guy must be skilled with his hands. And for the record, Xbox doesn't count.

3. Either slap box a grizzly bear, or arm wrestle an orangutan: Personally, I'd take the bear, as the monkeys fight dirty. Bonus points if you do both.

4. Know the rules: It doesn't matter for what, but know the rules. Nothing worse than the guy who can't tell you the rules. Concurrently, if you don't know the rules don't pretend that you do. Everyone knows when you're faking it.

5. Be a Loyal Wingman: Look I know sometimes its not a good draw. Your buddy gets the the one 10, while you're stuck with the five 2's. But as the honorable Jester once said, "You never leave your wingman." And if Michael Ironside says it, it pretty much has to be gospel right?
(Side Question: When did Kelly McGillis turn into Julie Andrews' stunt double? And why does she look like she could break a hip lying down while Tom Cruise is still making action movies?)

6. You must never wear pink. Ever.

7.You must milk a bald eagle, beat a cheetah in a foot race, pull the impacted wisdom tooth from a moving great white shark, and live to tell about it.

8.No purses can be held: You may laugh at this one, but this rule right here has nearly ended our illustrious institution. To be accused of purse holding is a fate worse than death itself. Tribunals are held, your reputation is dragged through the mud. And even if you are found innocent, the stench that goes along with the label of Purse Holder follows you for a long time. Any LoM member worth his salt can tell you about the Purse Holding incident of 1608. Dark days those were.

And that's it, those are our rules. Now You may be thinking, "Psssh! That's not so tough. I could do that in my sleep!" You may be correct. But these are the feats you must accomplish just to get an application. You still have the Combine, the oral interviews, and a little something that over years has been dubbed "The Decimator". So if you feel brave and want to join, ask a member. But be careful as all members are certified ninja masters, and may kill you.

*All past and present members of the military are exempt from the initial application process.