You're Our Only Hope....

I was in the bathroom getting ready for work when I realized that I will never save the world. (Profound, I know.) But I say this not because I physically couldn't do it, but because I do not posses any of the skills that are required. Like there are way more qualified dudes to do the job.

Like even if you tried to hollywood it up, it would be the worst movie ever. Couldn't you see it? "This summer... Our only hope lies with a guy who really wants to be a pirate." And then there would be a bunch of clips of me running from ninjas, running from bullets, and running from explosions. And maybe one where I cry because I get punched in the nose... you know just to show my sensitive side for the ladies.(I smell Oscar.)

I know its a bad idea to say never, but its fairly safe to assume that if the world were ever in peril, the president is not sending a chopper to pick me up from work. No 5 star general is gonna hand me a thick file in the back of a limo, and then later salute me as I halo jump out of a plane into enemy territory. Nor will my ability to be kinda good at jeopardy ever come in handy when aliens come to obliterate our species.

Side tangent: has anyone ever noticed that aliens always destroy earth? Like I'm no expert, but I'd like to think they could just shoot rays that cause our brains to melt. Like you can travel across the galaxy, but you can't develop a brain scrambler? (Sorry.. I'll focus.)

So sorry guys... if you're looking for a world saver, I'm not your guy. But I do know jack bauer is free. You should call him.