Skin Tight is Not Alright

Hello... I had an insightful and thought provoking post I was working on. It was deep and poignant. It had stuff to make you laugh and stuff to make you cry. It was going to take you far off places, but also make you think. But in typical Bobby style, I am bumping it to bring you this one. 

I was talking to my boy J-Smalls today, and we got onto the subject of fashion, and in particular men's fashion. He asked me what I thought about everybody running around wearing Ed Hardy clothing. I told him that I hated it, but didn't really know why. So for the next few hours I thought about it. And if you have got time, I'd like to list them for you, right here and right now.

First off, let me just say I get it. I understand the whole vintage tattoo thing. It's cool and retro and all that. And some of the vintage tattoo art is amazing to look at. But someone please tell me what is retro about a pink v-neck t shirt? It just makes me laugh to see all these buff dudes in the clubs with hearts and stars all over their skin tight shirts. Or to be out at the mall and have a guy wearing a pink track jacket or hoodie with sequins on it. 

And to make matters worse, I was looking at their website and they have a celebrity link. If you click on it, you can see all of the famous people who have been photographed wearing their clothes. Let me share with you a few of the names on the list.... Ryan Seacrest, Coolio, Bobby Brown, Menudo, and Michael Jackson. Have you ever seen such a random group in your life?I know I haven't. I know had this stuff been around in the 50's, Frank Sinatra wouldn't be rocking the Ed Hardy glittery muscle tee. He would have gotten the real tattoo. Now don't get all huffy and say I'm only picking lame celebrities. I'm well aware that there are real celebrities who wear this stuff... But with those guys on the list, count me out. 

And I'm not mad at the people behind the Ed Hardy clothing line. They are a shining example of capitalism. I mean it takes real skill to sell someone an outfit that looks like it has been bedazzled by a 13 year old. I bet I know how that initial meeting went. Everyone got together and said, "Hey let's get a bunch of Hanes t shirts, get pictures of old tattoos, glue some glitter and sequins on... and then sell them for 100 bucks!" And then when they needed samples, they locked a bunch of grade school girls in a room with shirts, crayons, and boxes of lucky charms. You may laugh... but don't be surprised if you see a shirt with pink hearts or orange stars on it in the near future. Why? Because it's too brilliant. Convincing a bunch of adult men to wear the clothing equivalent of a Lisa Frank binder. I wish I had thought of it. 

I guess you know what really bugs me about it? Is you can't really tell the women's clothing from the men's. True story... I saw two people walking through the mall. He was about six feet tall and 200 lbs. while she was five foot three and considerably less heavy.  They had on the exact same shirt and hat! Now on certain occasions, I'm all for coordinating the clothes to compliment the lady friend... But wearing the exact same fit? That's in the top ten on the list of things to not do if you are a guy. I was willing to wager that their shirts were the same size as well, but the group of people I was with wouldn't take me up on that bet. 

Here's what it is... I'm old school. I like white t shirts and blue jeans, and I prefer my clothing to be on the baggy side. But on top of that I'm a concerned citizen, speaking out on a topic he believes in. As a card carrying member of the League of Men I call upon my fellow brothers in arms to speak out. I feel that this needs to stop before it gets really out of hand. If we don't make a stand now, guys in the future will be wearing halter tops with unicorns and rainbows on them. We will have forgotten all that made us men. The subtle nuances of the infield fly rule will be lost, so will the simple satisfaction of fixing things or changing a tire. What man would want to live in a world like that? I for one sure don't.