Back In the Saddle Again...

Man what a week... I would tell you about it, but I've signed several documents legally preventing me from doing so. But I apologize for taking so long in between posts. So without further delay, let us get to today's topic.

I was just going to put that I liked tacos and leave it at that. P.K. could even attest to this, as I had it up on the screen and was all ready to push the publish button. We laughed for a good minute, but that wouldn't be right. Besides, anybody could take one look at me and say, "I bet that guy likes tacos... If ever there was a guy who liked tacos, it would be him." And you would be right, because they are delicious.

But I'm not here to talk about tacos, or mexican food in general. I'm here to talk about me. Seeing as this is my blog about how I perceive the world, would you expect anything else? Why is it that every commercial on TV makes men out to be stupid? I get offended like a Geico caveman.(okay that may be a bad analogy) But I'm serious.

I feel that as men we are misunderstood sometimes. Case in point. I read the covers of all The Girlfriend's magazines where they are listing "over 50 ways to please your man", or "the 10 things that all men wish women knew". On every guys list has MAYBE 10 things on it. I'm not gonna list them, but if a woman writer at Cosmo is telling her there are 50 things she needs to do to keep me happy and my list only has 10, you can imagine why men and women don't see eye to eye. And that's another thing... what men are they polling to get these ridiculous ideas? Let me stay on point as that could be a whole other blog in itself. Look... ladies, I'm betraying the code and giving you a hint. Three of the ten things on the list involve you not talking so much during various times. If you follow any of the ten those three will make life easier. Okay time to wrap it up...

My convoluted and abstract point is this. If you want mountain spring water, you go to the source. If you want to know how to please your man, do the same. Don't listen to disgruntled, divorced women who will tell you how to be successful one month, and then turn around and write about the top ten signs he's cheating. That just doesn't make sense.

The Playbook....

Man meeting Monday... Sorry again for the nonsense, as I missed last week, but have since ironed out the technical difficulties. Now on to our topic...

I have spent a lot of time lately in bars (just people watching I swear...) watching the social interactions between people, and I've noticed a few things that I wanna share with you all. There are ways to go about interacting with the fairer sex. So for the youngsters out there I'm going to tell you what NOT to do.

1. Don't stare. An over abundance of eye contact hurts more than it helps. And don't mistake her multiple glances as her being interested. What she is really doing is trying figure out why the creepy guy is looking at her still.

2. No rear access. If you see a young attractive girl dancing and want to join in, don't approach her from behind. For some strange reason, girls don't like being pounced on like an antelope on the African plains. Do yourself a favor and either approach from the front, or tap her on the shoulder.

3. Move fast. My gang has a saying, "If you're winning, then we're winning." Basically what it means is that in a group there is usually one to two attractive girls surrounded by several shields (aka unattractive friends). As your wingman, we will occupy the the shields allowing you space to move in and line her in your sights. But you gotta pull the trigger once you get that green tone, as no guy wants to hear her talk about her job. Especially if she is the the shield.

4. Be flexible. There may come a time where you called dibs on the hottie, but she is clearly interested in your friend. So you immediately have to switch gears and chat up the nottie. It's a difficult transition to be sure... But if you can master it, it will benefit you in the long run.

5. Don't linger. This is the most important. If things don't go well and you all end up striking out, its quite alright. Do yourself a favor, and leave immediately. Don't hang out hoping she will change her mind, because she won't. So camping out like you're waiting for star wars tickets to go on sale, is definitely a bad idea. Because not only is she getting creeped out, every other girl in the bar is watching you either getting creeped out or laughing at you. So just thank her for the time and excuse yourself. But as you walk away don't be discouraged. Even Barry Bonds didn't hit a home run every time.

Sorry for the length, but you should know I left a few out. If you would like to add anything, please shoot me a comment.

Try It, You Might Like It...

Man Meeting Monday! Just a quickie for today. The Girlfriend showed me a blog that a guy was writing about what he wanted his son to know before he(the dad) became uncool. I browsed through it and most of them seemed like common sense. There were things like build stuff, throw a football with a tight spiral, never ask for directions and so on... With that going on, I've decided to do it one better. I'm going to challenge men out there to do something that isn't considered "manly".

Write a poem, paint a picture, take a dance class. Do something that is way out of your comfort zone as a man. I have found that when we are doing something we aren't good at, we find out the most about ourselves. I will use myself as an example... I am good at sports, but it wasn't until I pushed my boundaries that I found out I am also good at other things. I made The Girlfriend a quilt once, not for any special reason, but just because I wanted to. You may laugh and think its girlie, but I didn't do it for you. Plus for a good year I made all the other male significant others look really suspect.

So try new things. You may be pleasantly surprised. And in this age of manscaping and guys wearing girls jeans and glitter, no one is going to care if you try branching out. Just don't hold a purse. That will get your Man Card pulled.

Whatever You Call it, It's a Hair Don't

Today I want to try something different. From now on, I am declaring Monday to be the official Man Meeting Mondays of the League of Men. This means that every Monday, I will try to talk about things that affect men, and by proxy society as a whole. Today, we are going to talk about hair, or a lack of it.

Fellas... there comes a time when every man must come to grips with the fact that he is losing his hair. I realize no man wants to go bald, believe me I know firsthand. But you gotta believe me when I say that the comb-over, and the toupee need to go the way of the Dodo. Its like they say, "You are only as strong as your weakest link..." and to guys who fall into these two categories, you're making the rest of us look pretty weak.

Now, don't get discouraged my fellow baldskateers. Over the years, there have been advancements to combat the ugly beast that is male pattern baldness. You could rock the Telly Savalas (my personal favorite), you could just cut it close (depending on how bald you are, this could work.), or you can wear a hat. But more important than these things, you have to be confident. I mean come on... you knew this day was coming. One look at your dad's hairline was all it took. Some of the greatest men ever were bald. Men like Ghandi, Winston Churchill, and Kojak. So be proud. You belong to a prestigious group. And to all of you rocking the hair plugs? Shame...